Why Good Leaders Still Question Themselves

And why that’s not a weakness.

I’ve worked with leaders for a long time now, and there’s something I see again and again.

The good ones think about their conversations long after they’ve happened.

They’ll be driving home or making dinner and suddenly find themselves replaying a meeting.

Was I too direct there?
Did I explain that clearly enough?
Did they leave feeling supported - or slightly demotivated?

This doesn’t come from insecurity.

It comes from caring.

The leaders who don’t reflect at all tend not to grow very much. The ones who care about their impact are the ones who pause and think about it.

What’s Actually Happening

When you step into a leadership role, something changes.

Your words carry more weight than they used to. A passing comment can affect someone's confidence. A decision can change someone’s sense of security. Even your tone of voice in a busy moment can affect how safe someone feels bringing things to you next time.

Once you realise that, it’s natural to want to review yourself.

You’re not doubting your ability.

You’re recognising your influence.

And influence brings responsibility.

That awareness can feel uncomfortable at times because you start to notice more. You hold yourself to a higher standard as you want to be fair with everyinbe you work with.

That’s not weakness.That’s maturity.

Something I Hear a Lot.

Recently a senior manager said to me, “I feel like I should have this nailed by now.”

When we talked it through, what he really meant was this:

“I know what I say matters but I don’t always know if I’ve got the balance right.”

That’s a very different thing.

We changed the question slightly.

Instead of asking, “Was I perfect?” he began asking, “Was I fair? Was I clear? Did I give them what they needed?”

That small change stopped the spiral.

Because leadership isn’t about perfect delivery. It’s about intention, consistency and being willing to adjust.

The Standard You’re Holding Yourself To

Sometimes it helps to ask yourself what standard you’re working to.

Are you expecting yourself to anticipate every reaction? Manage every emotion in the room? Find exactly the right words every time?

No one does that.

Even experienced leaders are still learning. Still refining. Still adjusting their approach as teams, contexts and pressures change.

Strong leadership isn’t about eliminating reflection.

It’s about making sure reflection turns into learning - not self-criticism.

There’s a big difference.

Why This Matters

The leaders who build strong, trusting teams are rarely the most certain people in the room.

They are the ones who are willing to think about their impact. Who notice when something didn’t quite land and are prepared to rephrase it. The ones who check back in if needed rather than pretending everything was fine.

That thoughtfulness builds trust over time.

People feel it.

Not because you are perfect - but because you are paying attention.